"Say your prayers and go to bed"

Whelp...I am back in Utah. After applying for and receiving my Utah RN license, I knew it was time. I had been looking for a job in California, but the hospitals aren't really new grad friendly. I found myself being rejected from job to job with notes of returning once I have a year to two of experience. But it wasn't just this struggle that kicked me back to Utah. Before graduating, I took every chance to run back home to California to my family...it was MY home!! Now that I finally returned, I realized I had created a second home in Utah and I missed it!! I missed my friends!! This was such a new feeling to me and a shock. Who knew I had it in me to be social and miss not being social with friends...none of my high school friends would believe it either. :) So on October 20th I packed up the necessities and headed back to the place I wasn't ever planning on returning too on a permanent basis. Side Note: With no where to live and no job on the other end.

What has life been like since I have been here?

My dad said it well in a text..."Say your prayers and go to bed"

I have really felt every night I go to bed being grateful for what I have and praying for guidance with the unsettled things in my life. The first on my list was to find a place to live. This was actually really hard since I was wanting to live with Ms. Erin and Ms. Jillian in January. We ended up finding a complex we want to live...Lanai. It is just southeast of BYU Campus and known for its social ward. It appears to be an older King Henry atmosphere. We originally signed contracts in three different apartments because we wanted to be in this ward. But we got news today that an apartment just opened with three contracts together...WE ARE SO EXCITED!! I needed to find a place until then, so I was in search of a single with a contract just until mid December. I had asked my Aunt Elizabeth in American Fork if I could crash there. It seemed perfect...I would be living with family I loved and adored that didn't live too far from my social life in Orem/Provo. After sealing the deal I had this overwhelming feeling I made the wrong decision. I was instantly confused why this wasn't right. Later that day I toured an apartment I was interested in a couple days before. It was a really nice apartment west of BYU campus and super close to Bulldog. It was $25o a month for a good size single with two other roommates. It was right in between my provo and orem friends. I was super excited and felt great about moving in. So that night I sealed the deal and moved in the next day, Wednesday October 26th.

Let me tell you...it is NEVER a good sign when your roommate gets home and the first thing she says to you is "I have to tell you something!! Scott, the management, threatened to sue me for deformations if I told you but I don't care. You need to know!" I came to find out there has been a problem with a Peeping Tom sitting out the windows doing naughty things while eating candy during the middle of the night. There has been several occurrences with him coming and some even with him entering the apartment. I was like "oh, great" and some people said my Liahona was broken. I will have to tell the Horror Stories of Windsor Park in another post. But staying safe from Peeper Creeper (or Creeper Peeper...obviously interchangeable) has not been the only thing in my prayers lately...

I might of had a minor break down the other day. Even though coming to Utah was the right decision for me, I have been trying so hard to find my new place as a single Registered Nurse College Graduate out here. I came out here on the faith this was where I am suppose to be right now in my life and praying for everything to come together. But it just isn't that easy. I feel like every time I find a open door to lead me somewhere, it gets slammed in my face. I am sure everyone has felt this at some point in their life and I need to have faith everything will work out. I know I am putting too much of who I am into everything I do and I can't feel like a failure when it doesn't work out. I am mainly experiencing this in finding a job. I have always known I wanted to be a nurse. School and passing my boards was not the only obstacle in my way of making this dream true. In fact, they were easy because I was the one in control of the outcome. I am not in control of someone hiring me and paying me to represent them as a nurses. I HATE THIS!! When will one of my five job applications a day be the one job I finally get? Why can't the employers see the potential I know I have? Why does every person and their friend have to compete with me for a job? In an interview last week the employer pulled out this folder with a two inch stack of other resumes and asked me why I deserved this job over these applicants. Seriously??? Job hunting just sucks...that is all I can say!!! I do have one lead right now. The Director of the Woman's Center at Timpanogos has informed me of a temporary position that will be available in Labor & Delivery. I have been in contact with her for a couple of months trying to get a job with her. So of course I am going to apply...I have wanted to be a Labor & Delivery Nurse since I was 12 years old. It wasn't until my experience with the NICU, I realized I have a passion for premature infants as well. I have a friend who is working in L&D for Timp right now who has told me horror stories about training. There is this girl who has been training for over two months and is still struggling. The nurses are getting frustrated with training her because she just isn't getting it. My friend said she now understands why nurses should train in postpartum before L&D...she has me terrified that I won't succeed if I get this job. But then I reminded myself (with the help of my mom) that I won't let that happen. I have the motivation and determination to succeed, especially in Labor & Delivery. I just need to have faith in myself and I do!! I am not saying it will be easy. I just know I can do this and I can't let people scare me into thinking otherwise (not that I think she was trying to do that, but my insecurities were).

So with all of this and the fact I had just learned I will be living in the Peeper Creeper apartment ALL BY MYSELF starting this weekend until December...I might of lost it for a little bit. But all is good now and I feel ready to continue tackling my life with faith I will make the right decisions. I am excited to be back in Utah and with my friends!! :)